What to Do When Your Co-Founder Is Micromanaging You

"What do I do if I feel like my co-founder is micromanaging me?"

Anna sent this to James Johnson and Freddie Birley for Peer Effect Post Bag.

The first question they ask: are they actually micromanaging you, or do you just feel that way?

The distinction matters. Because micromanagement is usually a symptom, not the problem.

What you'll hear:

The co-founder assumption that's often wrong. Most people assume co-founders means equal shares, equal power, and started together. James worked with co-founders where none of that was true. The misalignment at the heart of their dynamic explained everything.

Why founders micromanage when they feel out of control. There's a specific pattern James and Freddie see repeatedly. It's not about trust. It's about something else entirely. Once you understand it, the behaviour makes sense.

The one-way contribution problem. When one co-founder can contribute everywhere but the other can't, it creates a specific tension. James and Freddie break down how to navigate this without it killing the relationship.

James's rule to his team that changed everything. "Don't ask me my opinion unless you really need it." Why this matters and what it reveals about decision-making.

Why feeling untrusted kills performance. The emotional weight of micromanagement doesn't just affect the relationship. It has a ripple effect on the work itself.

The reality:

Micromanagement means something else is broken. Unclear expectations. Unclear roles. One person feeling out of control. Performance issues underneath.

James and Freddie break down how to diagnose what's actually happening and what to do about it.

One action: Listen to the end for what to address first if you're feeling micromanaged.

More from James:

Connect with James on LinkedIn or at peer-effect.com 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to the Periffact Post Bag. I'm James Johnson, joined by Freddie Burley. We asked for your questions, and Freddie and I are going to tackle them together. These aren't theoretical case studies. It's the stuff that's keeping you up at 2 a.m. Let's get answering. Welcome to the Pure Effect post bag. I'm James Johnson.

SPEAKER_03 0:19

I'm Freddie Burley. So, how how's your week been?

SPEAKER_00 0:24

Uh it's been okay. I managed I managed to slice my top my finger off.

unknown 0:30

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_04 0:31

How?

SPEAKER_00 0:33

So I was uh we were doing meal prep on uh Sunday, and uh our son was sort of joining in to sort of keep an eye on joining. He did this really cute thing where he's we'd done sort of parsnips and carrots, and he was standing all of the parsnips up, so it's kind of like this thicket of parsnips on the top, and then he decided to get ambitious and took like a carrot and a parsnip. And I was busy grating these carrots, and they kind of he sort of dropped it, and just out of instinct I lunged foot to try and catch it, forgetting I was still holding the grater, and just took the top of my finger off.

SPEAKER_03 1:06

Oh, that goes through me. That goes through me. That's not good. That's not good. How is it now?

SPEAKER_00 1:12

So actually, because my left thumb actually, you just suddenly realize how often you use your thumb. It's quite not a massive shock to people, but like it is quite useful, your thumb.

SPEAKER_03 1:25

Oh yeah. But I think whenever you have any part of your body you realise how much you use it.

SPEAKER_00 1:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:30

It's because you keep re-knocking it. Like I don't realise I knocked this part of my body so many times, but yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:36

Putting socks on, doing your shoelaces up, gripping things, trying to do the gym some more like I can't just dumbbell.

SPEAKER_03 1:43

Oh, I'm sorry. I hope it heals quickly because that's grim. That's so grim. Did you save the carrot though? That's the most important question.

SPEAKER_01 1:50

I didn't even get anywhere near the carrot. As I realised when I'd done, I sort of very quickly came at touch with my finger. So the carrot.

SPEAKER_03 1:58

Yeah. Oh so in other news, um, question from Anna. What do I do if I feel like my co-founder is micromanaging me?

SPEAKER_02 2:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:14

I mean, two interesting words in there, like feel, I feel like they're micromanaging me. So I'd be curious if they are. But I'm also wondering what is happening to to cause that sense of micromanagement. Is there something that's going on where you feel that you're that you are not doing stuff? Or you feel that they are you are doing stuff and they are being very much on top of you. Yeah. And at the heart of that, I I had some clients a while back who are co-founders, and you often hear the sort of phrase co-founders, and you just assume that people are equals.

SPEAKER_04 2:49

Yeah, true.

SPEAKER_00 2:50

And you just assume that the sort of shareholdings are equal and they've started it together, and they've got and actually what I discovered is that wasn't the case. Like they didn't have equal shareholdings, they hadn't started it at the same time, one had come in slightly later, and so actually, one was in some ways the senior partner, yeah, and which left a really interesting dynamic of sort of they felt that their role was in some ways to manage their co-founder, which was tricky because sort of the other the other co-founder didn't feel that was the case. Um and we and we talked about this last week, this idea of sort of being clear on expectations. But I suppose I went in assuming one thing which turned out to be incorrect, yeah. And there was, I think there was a misalignment at the heart of the dynamic, yeah. Um, which actually when you sort of dug into actually the person who was the original founder actually very much did want to be the shot caller, um which I think was a surprise to their to their co-founder. So actually surfacing some of this stuff was was was quite helpful. So if if if that co-founder had been, oh I feel like I'm being micromanaged, they were definitely being well, they probably were micro-managed as well, but they were definitely being managed, and that was that was by design.

SPEAKER_03 4:11

And that comes back to what we've talked about in the past around expectation management and noticing when when friction comes up, it's like, oh, it's an opportunity to realign. We're misaligned right now on some kind of expectation, so we need to both understand what we're expecting or what our needs are, how we discuss those, and then we can figure it out. Because it's interesting on this point of micromanagement. I often see micromanagement when people desire to control because they feel like something can be done better or differently. And um, I've been so guilty of this in the past as well, this feeling of like stepping in because you want to help and you want to um help someone get somewhere, and actually like needing to let go and to trust more and or communicate what you need more explicitly and like an outcome that you need more explicitly, and so you give them like the grace to figure out how to get to the outcome.

SPEAKER_00 5:05

Um interesting I've I definitely agree. Sometimes people might have people step in because they want to help.

SPEAKER_02 5:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:13

I've also seen it where people micromanage or step in because they're feeling out of control themselves. And so you see this quite a lot in sort of people as they progress up an organization, particularly shifting into founder position or CO position, because you've gone up throughout your career as kind of the specialist, yeah, and you become sort of a manager and then a director, or you start your own business, and sudden, but suddenly you are no longer the expert.

SPEAKER_02 5:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:39

You have and actually, particularly if you're feeling under control or things are not going how you want them to, your safe place might be to step back into where you feel. So let's say you came up the marketing route or up the sales route, you might end up stepping very heavily back into the sales team because that is your sort of safe space of expertise.

SPEAKER_03 5:59

This is so true. And it's a dopamine hit to feel like you're contributing, contributing in a way that you're you're still winning.

SPEAKER_00 6:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:06

And you're contributing in a way that allows you to feel like you've done something good. You've done a good job in something. That's so that's so true. I've seen that a few times as well.

SPEAKER_00 6:17

So I wonder what's going on in this case, whether it's are they let's say they're LB micromanaged. Are they coming from a starting position of we are actually clear who's doing what? Or are they both trying to do the same things? Have they have they set out a clear, like right, you focus on this, you focus on that? Yeah. Um, and has anything changed around that that might is there an underlying lack of performance which might be causing some drift in where they're focused? Yeah. Is maybe your your co your co-founder underperforming and therefore they're trying to sort of deliver on something. I feel yeah, I feel there'd be quite a lot of curiosity and a conversation around what is actually going on for your co-founder in this in this position.

SPEAKER_03 6:59

Yeah. A hundred percent. And that will give you, yeah. It's really hard to know without more context on the story, it's really hard to know where to start an on-pick. Um, but ultimately a conversation. It sounds like a conversation is needs to be had on expectations. I'm interested also though, that made me think of one other scenario I see on micromanagement, especially when there's ambiguity in roles with co-founders, of or like a genuine curiosity of one co-founder. So say one co-founder's technical, but it was also really curious about the brand building and the marketing, and they they want to get involved and they're hungry to still be involved because they see it as which it is, it's it's half their company, um, or a third their company, or whatever the dynamics are. And so they want to get involved because they want to have a say, they want to contribute, they want to help. And then the other co-founder feels like they're kind of stepping on their toes, or they're not giving them enough space to actually make decisions and actually own the area that they're responsible for. And so then this really hard tension between wanting to move efficiently and play in your lanes, but equally wanting to create the best outcomes. And uh, have you seen anything along those lines?

SPEAKER_00 8:12

Yeah, I was I was gonna ask you how you how you how you deal deal with this. I say it all the time. It's kind of I suppose being generous in your in your allowing your co-founder to share their opinion. I I see two things. One is trade-off between efficiency and effectiveness. Yeah, like it's quicker to always make decisions by yourself. Yeah. But do you get to the the right point? I do think discussing everything clearly is inefficient and giving you frustration, particularly if it's only one way, because I think if you're the non-technical co-founder, it's very hard for you to get back involved in the exactly. So it feels like it's very one-way, yeah. Um, which requires quite a lot of confidence, self-confidence, I think, from the maybe the bit more business focused side and awareness from the person on the on the technical side. Yeah. Um why would you what are you what are you seeing?

SPEAKER_03 9:03

I think it's really personal between the two of who whoever the dynamics are, but that's a really important piece of the technical person can contribute, but the business focused person can't really contribute on the technical side. And so that creates a really interesting tension. I think people have to be open about how it's making them feel, what the results that they're creating, are we happy with the results that I'm creating on the business side, or is this you saying that actually you think we could be moving faster or differently, or you feel like you've got better ideas? And it's almost like parking your ego and being like, what is best for the business here? If you have ideas that we can that you can contribute to the business side that you think that we agree are better ideas than what we're currently doing, um, then let's let's explore them. Let's find like specific contexts where you can contribute. And at the same time, I need your trust that this is my area of ownership, and I need to be able to make the ultimate decision. Because I I think everyone needs to know that they're valuable and that they're contributing, and um that's attention.

SPEAKER_00 10:05

I always think that just just being as I think it's tempting to think of the business as kind of like your opportunity to learn.

SPEAKER_04 10:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:11

And that's just not it isn't all that isn't always the case. Like what is best for the business may not be for you to get to enjoy yourself by getting involved in things which are maybe not strictly relevant.

SPEAKER_02 10:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:22

And I always think there's a dangerous thing, like you, your opinion doesn't necessarily matter. I think it's a very hard thing to say. But I think where I got to when I was running business was I say to my team, don't ask me my opinion if you don't really need it. Because A, it'll pull me into your project that you probably don't want me to get involved in. And also, my opinion probably has less value than yours because I'm further away from it. Yeah, in which and also ultimately we should try something, and from the data, we'll see very quickly whether it's right or wrong. So we both might think it's a great idea, and the data will tell us it's wrong.

SPEAKER_04 10:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:53

So much better actually to get stuff out there that you're not horrified by and see what the response is, track the response and see if you need to pivot. Yes. Rather than spending lots of effort going, is this the best idea we possibly come up with? Because 90% of the time you're gonna be like the date, the data's out there anywhere.

SPEAKER_03 11:14

Yeah, completely. And I the with is this efficient and effective on the effective side, you having a good relationship with your co-founder is essential. And if you've consistently feel micromanaged or in aka untrusted, if you feel untrusted by your co-founder, that's a that's a problem. Yeah. And um to be effective in your roles, you need to feel trusted, you need to feel empowered, you need to feel like you're free to do your best work, and appreciated. And appreciated a hundred percent. And so if that's not how you feel, um, there's always introspective work we can do, but then also discussing that and talking about it and trying to move through that so that you can be sustainable in your relationship and therefore effective in what you're doing, because this can be a huge distraction, like the emotional, the emotional weight of that, and then the annoyance, and then the dis and then every time that happens, you're pissed off, and then that takes you away from your work, and it means you're not as effective, and then you're not as present, and like it can have a real ripple effect on performance.

SPEAKER_00 12:17

Yeah. I mean, so it's only when you see found co-founder teams that are working really well, you see when they get this balance right, how they because like all things, I suppose, a balance, isn't it? Sometimes it is really powerful to get the two of you together, yeah, and sometimes it's really powerful just go right, get on with it.

SPEAKER_03 12:31

A hundred percent, a hundred percent. And you need to find that rhythm. Um, what are you what are you taking away? What's been interesting?

SPEAKER_00 12:45

I think just to co-founder dynamic is just requires so much work, doesn't it?

SPEAKER_04 12:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:50

I mean it it can it can fall apart uh in so many different ways, or sort of misaligned expectations, misaligned behaviours. But I think we keep going back to is if you can be clear with your expectation, be clear with your communication, you've got the best chance of doing it. Because you you really want to be in a space where you're both feeling aligned, appreciated, and free to do great work, and that gives you the best chance, I think, of being successful.

SPEAKER_02 13:18

Yes, 100%. Nice.

SPEAKER_00 13:21

Well, we'll see you guys again next week. Um, this has been the Peer Effect post bag. As ever, if any questions reach out at hello at peer hyphen effect.com and happy scaling.